I'd like to share with you my personal experience with long term health care. I am 49 yrs old. My Mom was in a nursing home for 15 months before her death 2 years ago. She was a healthy 88 yr old when she could no longer live on her own. By healthy, I mean that she didn't have cancer or any other major health issues just those that come with being 88. Prior to going imto nursing home care my Mom lived in a beautiful apartment complex for seniors. She never wanted to go to the nusring home but there just were not enough services available for her to manage on her own. It's very hard to put someone you love in a place that they have asked not to go but the reality was that I worked full-time as did my other sister and Mom needed more help than we could provide on our own. Because of her age it was difficult for her to get around and she had a tendancy to fall. This made even daily tasks long and arduous for her. Showering, cooking, getting groceries, attending social functions and church were difficult and getting ready to attend tired her. I looked for services to assist with her daily living but such services are hard to come by and costly for someone on a limited income. I truly feel that she could have remained in her apartment if we could have found a provider to help her on a regular basis. We did find a grocery store to deliver her groceries but she lost the opportunity to squeeze the fruit, pick out the size and brand and even just get ideas for cooking that comes with shopping yourself. It would have been such a blessing to have somene take her to the store and help her, at her pace, choose her groceries. Personal care was also an area that she needed assistance. Once she fell while in the shower and laid there for six hours before being discovered. This is a traumatic experience for an elderly person. If we could have found someone to come in to help her bathe and clean herself and her things it would have aided in her ability to live independently. The place she lived did provide a noon meal, but the food was institutional and bland and frankly, she hated it. All of this forced our hand at placing her in nursing home care, against her wishes.
When we interviewed the nursing home where she moved we asked a lot of questions. They presented the facilities in a different light than what we actually experienced. First, they put her in a wheel chair right away. She went there walking on her own and within a week she was hardly walking at all. I understand that this has to do with safety concerns; they were concerned about her falling but I also think that it simplifies things like getting the tenents to and from meals and around the facility. It also seemed to keep her in her room more. Next, they prescribed medication for her, one of which was an anti-depressant. My Mom had never really taken meds and these prescriptions threw her into turmoil. It wasn't easy getting them to stop giving the medication but they finally agreed. Another thing they boasted in our pre-placement interview were the social activities that were offered daily. What they didn't tell us was that if they asked her to come and she said "No" they would just go on to the next patient. My Mom was so new there and afraid. I wished they would have talked with her and encouraged her more to participate. Instead she sat in her room more and more. In the end my Mom was in her room alone, day after day, after day. She stopped eating in the lunch room, stopped going for strolls in the halls and just basically stopped living. Shortly after she went there five friends and I took six pre-made Bloody Mary's to her room to have a short social time with her. We had discuss alcohol before he was admitted and told them that she enjoyed an ocassional Bloody Mary. When we got there my Mom was so excited to see us and eager to have her cocktail. As we started to enjoy ourselves a Nurse came in and very rudely and loudly kicked us out. My Mom was so confused about why this was happening. I remember the look on her face as I took the drink out of her hand and told her that we had to leave. My heart was broken that this place that we had move her wasn't like her home at all, but rather, it was an institution. I think that long term care needs to be a place that is more like home. I don't understand why all the rules change and that what the elderly want is not available. I wish that there were senior apartments that provided a safe, homey place and still offered services like grocery shopping, self-care, cleaning, social activities and a place that the residents could be proud of and feel like they were able to function on their own. I don't know if I would do anything different with my Mom, because I know that during that time I was doing the best I could for her. But I do know that more services need to be available to allow people to stay in their homes and I pray that I never have to go to a nursing home myself.
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Wow. I'm so sorry first of all.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea about the senior apartments. Very clever and that would provide good services for those in need. The more services, the more successful outcomes.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar situation. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and we had to put her into a nursing home. She quickly lost her sense of humor that had always been there and did not want to do anything. She sat in her room alone, and did not even get excited when we came to visit.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that will stick with me is the way they took care of personal hygiene. My grandmother had always taken pride in her hair style, but when she moved in they decided what they wanted to do. They styled hair every Monday. On Tuesday is when they would bath my grandmother. She was upset every Tuesday because she had just had it done and looking nice, and they they would wash it and take the style out immediately. This was the last thing my grandmother had and they took it away. She only lived 6 months in the nursing home.
This is such a touchy subject because like your mother, my mom is 121% opposed to going into a nursing home. If there is any option other than a nursing home, she will probably chose that. You bring up a good point, the cost of nursing home care. It is unreal to think that any health care system expects an elderly person, who is not working and nearing the "end stages" of life to be able to afford the high costs these facilities entail. I understand that these facilities use others services to help, but it is still ridiculous, especially in the case like your mother, where she was still significantly healthy. I also really like the idea of the senior apartments. It seems to be a much more comfortable and relaxed living arrangement for a senior and even better, not the high costs of nursing homes.
ReplyDeleteThank you for authoring on this blog. I appreciate your thoughts about improving health care and hope you will comment on other postings in this blog or other blogs about health care.
ReplyDeleteYou all speak to the importance of expanding the options to help people remain independent. Since most of LTC is paid for by public funds to for profit facilities, we need a strong policy that empowers families to mix and match resources before they turn to a nursing home.